Aunt bans children from family gatherings at her home, despite her 4 and 6-year-old nephews being the only kids in the family: 'If this becomes the norm, what happens for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas?'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 21, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

It's not easy when rules that feel targeted at you are implemented. I empathize with the mom in this story because her kids' exclusion feels a bit like high school. She is the only person in the family with young children, and her sister decided to implement a "no kids" rule for gatherings at her house. That wouldn't feel as rotten if most of her siblings had kids, but then again, it might not be as enforceable if other family members didn't tolerate their exclusion. 

That being said, there's a big difference between children being excluded from one person's house and everyone's house for all holidays and events. The mom in this story assumes that because her sister doesn't want her kids in her house (and all other family members agree on those terms), they're going to have child-free family Christmases hereafter, which is a silly conclusion to jump to. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10418878208
    via Hisu lee

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to attend my sister's "no kids" family gatherings because I'm the only one with children?
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 03
    I'm the only one in my family with kids-two young ones, ages 4 and 6. My siblings don't have children, and my parents are retired. Recently, my sister moved into a new house and decided she's hosting family gatherings with a new rule: no kids allowed.
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 04
    She claims her house isn't "kid-proof" and wants more "relaxed" events. She framed it like she's doing everyone a favor, but let's be honest—it's just my kids, so this rule is clearly aimed at me. It's hurtful because these are family dinners and holiday get-togethers we've always celebrated together as a family. Now suddenly, my kids aren't welcome?
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 05
    What bothers me most is how this will affect my children. My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and if he finds out he's being excluded, it would break his heart. I'm worried he'll never get over it. How do I explain to him that he's not wanted at these family events? It could create a rift between him and the rest of the family. He's sensitive, and I don't want him growing up thinking he's not important.
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 06
    When she told me about her "no kids" rule, I said I wouldn't attend if my kids weren't invited. She accused me of overreacting, but if this becomes the norm, what happens for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas? Am I supposed to leave my kids at home every time?
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 07
    The rest of my family is siding with her, telling me to just "go along with it" and leave the kids at home for a few hours. My parents, who don't have grandkids from my siblings yet, think it's no big deal. They're even pressuring me to cut my sister some slack since she had a tough time buying her house. But where's the consideration for me and my kids?
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 08
    To top it off, my other sibling, who's childfree, said, "Maybe this is good for you-you could probably use a break." Great advice from someone who's never had to juggle parenting while trying to stay connected to family. AITA for refusing to attend her gatherings and calling her out? I feel like I'm being forced to choose between being part of my family or being a parent.
    via u/partenzedepartures
  • 09
    emadelosa ⚫3h ago ⚫ Actually I'm going with NAH here, but listen to my reasoning. When no one of your extended family is even mildly against this, then there is a message here: whatever you're usually doing with your kids at family gatherings isn't working for the others. Yes kids are kids, kids can be a little much, they're just happy to see everyone, parenting is hard etc whatever we've heard it all. Nobody likes their parenting criticized but that doesn't mean every criticism is unfounded. If
    via u/emadelosa
  • 10
    wisewoman707 I agree, I was thinking the same thing -- it's a little odd that everyone, including the kids' own grandparents, agree with this rule. That tells me it's not just the sister who wants a break from these kids. Time for OP to take a hard look at her kids' behavior and her own parenting and ask herself why no one wants her kids around, even their own family.
    via u/wisewoman707
  • 11
    WrongCase7532 Yes and her reference re how sensitive her son is and how this will have such an impact on him makes me question how he acts at gatherings and her lack of parenting during these times
    via u/WrongCase7532
  • 12
    sour lemons Info: is your sister the only person hosting family events? What about the rest of your family including you, do the rest of you host and if so are those events child free?
    via u/sour_lemon
  • 13
    I don't see an issue if your sister hosts an occasional child free dinner or event at her house and for your kids to be watched by another relative or babysitter. They're not going to feel left out because mom and dad occasionally go out by themselves. And it WOULD be good for you to have some adult only time.
    via u/sour_lemon
  • 14
    I do think family holidays like thanksgiving and Christmas should include the kids so either your sister is able to make exceptions for those holidays or they can be hosted at someone else's house who doesn't have a child free rule
    via u/sour_lemon
  • 15
    thepigfish2 We had a child free wedding thinking the same things as the sister. Come, enjoy yourself, drink, dance, and have fun. Apparently, only people without children have this mindset
    via u/thepigfish2
  • 16
    sour_lemons I have kids and have enjoyed plenty of adult only child free events since the kids. I've also turned down plenty of adult only events that didn't work for me/the kids because ultimately their wellbeing comes first. Without more context it's a bit extremely for OP to boycott family events (assuming they're not major family holidays) simply because they're child free. Children do not need to accompany their parents everywhere.
    via u/sour_lemons
  • 17
    ZzyzxDFW INFO: Alright, we need to dig a little deeper here. The fact that your entire family is backing your sister's no-kids rule has me wondering—are your kids a handful? Are we talking Bart Simpson-level pranks, Eric Cartman-level sass, or something else entirely?
    via u/ZzyzxDFW
  • 18
    Do you have a close friend who can be blunt with you about this? Someone who can give you the real, unfiltered truth? Because if your kids are the rowdy ones or, heaven forbid, the smelly ones, that could explain why your sister felt the need to implement a "no kids" policy, and why everyone else is okay with it.
    via u/ZzyzxDFW
  • 19
    Look, it's one thing for kids to be a little hyper or restless at a family gathering, but if your sister went so far as to make a house rule, there might be more to this story. It's possible she didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying it outright, so she went with a blanket ban. Before jumping to conclusions, maybe have an honest chat to see if there's something your family hasn't told you. That way, you're not left in the dark, and your kids aren't being excluded for reasons that could be a
    via u/ZzyzxDFW
  • 20
    lilbookofmeow Seconded. Sounds a little strange that it's "kid free" when the only kids in the family are OP's. Also wondering if maybe OP is the kind of person that doesn't let adults have conversations without bringing up the kids or the kids always interrupting because I avoid my kidded friends because of that too. Adult conversation time means no kids wanting their parents attention for a bit.
    via u/lilbookofmeow
  • 21
    BEBookworm This was my thought. I don't see grandparents being ok with their only grandkids being excluded unless they have a REALLY good reason.
    via u/BEBookworm
  • 22
    RainahReddit INFO: Your sister is hosting kid-free gatherings. Is there ANY evidence, beyond that, that any of these fears will happen? • Is there any evidence that people are planning to have holidays like christmas be kid free? • Is there any evidence that gatherings run by other people will be kid free ⚫that your sister wants gatherings not in her home to be kid free • That this is the only way for your kids to spend time with their family? That's a lot of leaping to conclusions.
    via u/RainahReddit

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